Helmut Schmidt once said, "The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement."
At this point I wish somebody can actually tell me how well or how bad I have improved on my writing skills after pursuing my fairly inconsistent part-time career as a blogger for almost 20 months. If I am to assess myself now, I would say I don't think anything have changed much ever since. I started blogging with the thought that practice makes perfect; that the more I write, the more I will get better in putting my ideas together and translate them into words. It is not entirely wrong, but I guess I need to take a step back and give myself a deep thought on how to really improve writing skills because merely letting myself write doesn't seem to be the ultimate answer to advance my existing skills. Recently I have been reminding myself that one of the invaluable 'hows' is reading - reading is the key to knowledge of everything, and it's through reading that I will be able to get to know different styles of writing, content to write, new bombastic vocabularies et cetera. Time constraint has always been my excuse but quoting Nikki, "...time can always be made if you deem something important enough." Can't agree more - nak seribu daya, tak nak seribu dalih, right?
It's Ramadhan and most of us would be dedicating our time to reciting Qur'an more than we used to on other times of the year. There's one Ramadhan ritual that takes place among Muslims where they recite the Qur'an in groups, and this 'ritual' is called tadarrus. Tadarrus comes from the root word 'darrasa' in Arabic which means to study, to learn in depth; to research. The word ta- acts like a prefix that evolves the meaning into to learn with each other, hence explaining the reason why tadarrus is conducted in groups. In a tadarrus group, one can find different people with different level of ability in reading the Qur'an. Some are very fluent, some can barely say a whole kalimah or word correctly, some struggle to find waqaf or place to pause for their short breath span, some have very beautiful voices, and so on. Alhamdulillah, I am blessed with the ability to read the Qur'an, but while listening to my friends who are not very fluent in reciting the Holy Book I was reminded of one hadith about the double reward for people who are struggling with their Qur'an recitation. I thought to myself, they're so lucky - I want to get double reward too :( but then I looked up for the full version of the hadith, and this is what it says in its original form:
It's Ramadhan and most of us would be dedicating our time to reciting Qur'an more than we used to on other times of the year. There's one Ramadhan ritual that takes place among Muslims where they recite the Qur'an in groups, and this 'ritual' is called tadarrus. Tadarrus comes from the root word 'darrasa' in Arabic which means to study, to learn in depth; to research. The word ta- acts like a prefix that evolves the meaning into to learn with each other, hence explaining the reason why tadarrus is conducted in groups. In a tadarrus group, one can find different people with different level of ability in reading the Qur'an. Some are very fluent, some can barely say a whole kalimah or word correctly, some struggle to find waqaf or place to pause for their short breath span, some have very beautiful voices, and so on. Alhamdulillah, I am blessed with the ability to read the Qur'an, but while listening to my friends who are not very fluent in reciting the Holy Book I was reminded of one hadith about the double reward for people who are struggling with their Qur'an recitation. I thought to myself, they're so lucky - I want to get double reward too :( but then I looked up for the full version of the hadith, and this is what it says in its original form:
It was narrated from Aisha that the Messenger of Allah (ï·º) said: "The one who is proficient with the Qur'an will be with the noble and righteous scribes (the angels), and the one who reads it and stumbles over it, finding it difficult, will have a double reward." - Sahih, Sunan Ibnu Majah 3779
While double reward is given as the motivation for people to keep on reading them, on the other hand, once you have frequented yourself with reading the Qur'an, the only reason to get better in it is because your proficiency can be the license for you to be with the noble angels. Whether you are struggling or you can read a page smoothly, from Allah's point of view, you are His wonderful servants - you are going to be blessed with amazing rewards :)
This thought then took my mind to travel back to my previous Ramadhan. It wasn't one of the best in my opinion for sure. In my opinion, because it is really just in my opinion. While every other Muslim might be racing for the rewards of the last 10 nights of Ramadhan - giving out their best effort alongside their silent hope to meet Lailatul Qadar, I was spending the last week of Ramadhan last year at a campsite, attending a fieldwork, sleeping in a tent, sometimes not even having the will and strength to stay up for terawih or even waking up for sahur. I had also spent the first week of the month focusing on my exams, hence in my opinion, I wasn't greeting the arrival of Ramadhan 1439H really well.
This year is a whole different story. In my opinion I am lucky enough not to have any exam on the first week of this year's Ramadhan. My housemates and I even have the chance to perform terawih in jemaah or congregation at the ground floor with the small Muslim community of our neighbourhood. As we go into the second week of the month, I started questioning myself. What if it is only in my opinion that my Ramadhan this year was so much better? What if the struggles I had last year was more meaningful and more reward-ful from Allah's point of view, though it wasn't from mine? One thing for sure, the 'band' and 'standard' is higher this year because my capacity and capability of 'doing Ramadhan' is more than what I had last time. If that's the case, then I have a bigger responsibility this year - to make my Ramadhan this time more meaningful in His opinion too, not just mine. I am trying my best to make the most out of Ramadhan 1440H - since I now realise I might not be able to get this chance every single year (though I really really hope I won't be going on a fieldwork in Ramadhan anymore) - and like everyone else, I do have the dream of becoming a better person even after Ramadhan leaves and Eid comes.
Blogging pushes myself to at least proofread my own writing, one thing I wouldn't do if I just write my personal diary. Engaging with people who gather themselves to learn the Qur'an encourages myself to be more strict on myself on tajwid and makhraj, and also to learn more about its translation. Opportunities to have proper engagement with Ramadhan motivates myself to make the best out of it. The point is, whether it's my writing skills, or gaining more understanding on the content of the Qur'an, or improving my recitation, or balancing life commitment for dunya wal akhirah, it doesn't feel like I have ever left the biggest room in the world - the big room of self-improvement. And I personally believe that if I have this big room of mine, it will definitely be filled with mirrors, as I have always loved my moments of self reflection. Life has been constantly urging me to grow without halts or stop-offs. But I am in no way elucidating that life is taking its toll on me; I know all it's trying to do is just to be a good teacher - who wishes to take the best potential out of its growing student.
Dear Ramadhan, thank you for making me realise from a different life angle, that someone's obedience or effort doesn't lie on a universal indicator - not like a set of standardised band(s) for an English test - it varies not only for everyone but also at different times of each person's life. It's the threshold of that effort in a given time that defines the potential value of a person. Do not overthink about the result, as they say, that in His eyes, it's not the outcome - but it's always the pursuit that counts :)
This thought then took my mind to travel back to my previous Ramadhan. It wasn't one of the best in my opinion for sure. In my opinion, because it is really just in my opinion. While every other Muslim might be racing for the rewards of the last 10 nights of Ramadhan - giving out their best effort alongside their silent hope to meet Lailatul Qadar, I was spending the last week of Ramadhan last year at a campsite, attending a fieldwork, sleeping in a tent, sometimes not even having the will and strength to stay up for terawih or even waking up for sahur. I had also spent the first week of the month focusing on my exams, hence in my opinion, I wasn't greeting the arrival of Ramadhan 1439H really well.
This year is a whole different story. In my opinion I am lucky enough not to have any exam on the first week of this year's Ramadhan. My housemates and I even have the chance to perform terawih in jemaah or congregation at the ground floor with the small Muslim community of our neighbourhood. As we go into the second week of the month, I started questioning myself. What if it is only in my opinion that my Ramadhan this year was so much better? What if the struggles I had last year was more meaningful and more reward-ful from Allah's point of view, though it wasn't from mine? One thing for sure, the 'band' and 'standard' is higher this year because my capacity and capability of 'doing Ramadhan' is more than what I had last time. If that's the case, then I have a bigger responsibility this year - to make my Ramadhan this time more meaningful in His opinion too, not just mine. I am trying my best to make the most out of Ramadhan 1440H - since I now realise I might not be able to get this chance every single year (though I really really hope I won't be going on a fieldwork in Ramadhan anymore) - and like everyone else, I do have the dream of becoming a better person even after Ramadhan leaves and Eid comes.
Blogging pushes myself to at least proofread my own writing, one thing I wouldn't do if I just write my personal diary. Engaging with people who gather themselves to learn the Qur'an encourages myself to be more strict on myself on tajwid and makhraj, and also to learn more about its translation. Opportunities to have proper engagement with Ramadhan motivates myself to make the best out of it. The point is, whether it's my writing skills, or gaining more understanding on the content of the Qur'an, or improving my recitation, or balancing life commitment for dunya wal akhirah, it doesn't feel like I have ever left the biggest room in the world - the big room of self-improvement. And I personally believe that if I have this big room of mine, it will definitely be filled with mirrors, as I have always loved my moments of self reflection. Life has been constantly urging me to grow without halts or stop-offs. But I am in no way elucidating that life is taking its toll on me; I know all it's trying to do is just to be a good teacher - who wishes to take the best potential out of its growing student.
Dear Ramadhan, thank you for making me realise from a different life angle, that someone's obedience or effort doesn't lie on a universal indicator - not like a set of standardised band(s) for an English test - it varies not only for everyone but also at different times of each person's life. It's the threshold of that effort in a given time that defines the potential value of a person. Do not overthink about the result, as they say, that in His eyes, it's not the outcome - but it's always the pursuit that counts :)
And those who strive in Our (cause),- We will certainly guide them to our Paths: For verily Allah is with those who do right. (Al-Ankabut, 29:9)
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