I don't think it's too much to say that failures are underrated.
Did you know that a professor at MIT offered a course on failure - because she claimed that, "failure is a more common experience than success"? And while that is true, in my opinion, more often than not failures render more meaningful lessons than what success can offer.
p/s: I am certainly more than aware that I may not be the best person to talk about failures as a life lesson, especially as I'm barely reaching halfway through my life journey - if I'm ever going to live to the age of Prophet Muhammad at the time of his death - but since this post is nothing less than a reminder for myself, I decided to put this post up anyway, after contemplating it for months 😅
In the span of exactly a month - from April 15th to May 15th - I had received the responses to four applications that I have sent in February and March (while I was still in London).
The first one was an exception because I went for an interview in March for a graduate trainee programme that I didn't apply for, but I gave it my best shot anyway. A month later I was informed that I was unsuccessfully selected for the programme. I wasn't really feeling upset about it; they probably knew that my heart is still set for archaeology despite my interest in content creation and digital marketing. Nonetheless, as it was my first job interview, the chance to indulge in the interview experience itself was a pleasure.
In February, I sent an application for a travel writing scholarship for fun. There were probably thousands of applications, and while I was satisfied with the short story that I submitted, I couldn't see how mine was anything splendid or any better than the others. I found out at the end of April that my submission didn't make it to the top 3; neither it was chosen to be among the 22 shortlisted applicants. I wasn't frustrated since I had always known that narrative writing isn't really my thing 😂. Well, I take it as a sign that I really need to work on it if I am to get serious with travel writing. Needless to say, I enjoyed writing and reminiscing my travel experience for that scholarship application.
In March, I had applied for a scholarship offered by JPA for my postgraduate studies - which I wasn't actually eligible to apply in the first place. The application required that I have an unconditional offer, whereas I hadn't even secured an offer - let alone an unconditional one - before the application deadline. They also demanded that I submit my extra-curricular certificates, but unfortunately there were some technical issues with our HEAR (Higher Education Achievement Report) at that time. And... I didn't submit a research proposal because my mind was preoccupied with my undergraduate thesis when I was completing the scholarship application (and I didn't see why that should be an urgent thing since I will be enrolling for a taught degree (MSc), not a research one (MRes)). Simply put, with the missing documents, my application was incomplete (lol) so it was quite predictable that the application might not be fruitful despite the fact that I had also shamelessly written them a formal letter explaining the reasons I couldn't have attached the offer, the certificates and the proposal along with the application. Wait, I do feel quite embarrassed now - it sounds like I was putting together 'a letter of excuses' 😂 Oh well, it's all in the past now. I had no regrets nor I felt upset when I saw that the application has been unsuccessful; instead, I felt glad that I tried.
After I was informed by my Institute that I had successfully been awarded a conditional offer to pursue a Master's degree, I instantaneously applied for the Institute's Master Award, which is worth 4% of the tuition fee for my degree. I was among the 30+ candidates who were considered for the award, but while I made it to the top 50% of the applicants, they explained to me that my existing academic performance was not able to make me among one of the 10 recipients who were awarded the funding. I am glad that I emailed the Admission Tutor for feedback - the phrase 'top 50% of the applicants' made my day; and made me question no further as I am no doubt very well aware of my own academic achievement for the past couple of years *insert dark moon emoji*
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Interestingly, when I got the email from the Graduate Admission on my Master Award application, I wasn't sure of what to feel. I was not that sad and I was not that happy either. I am not sure if I was already numb of failures/rejections since that's the 4th time I've received such news in the span of a month, but I can still remember one thing in particular. When I finished reading the email, I spontaneously said, alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal. I then thought to myself, He is either protecting me from something bad, or He's replacing it with something better. The next day I read an unopened email from the Graduate Admission on a new funding opportunity offered by my Institute to international students who wish to pursue selected Master's degrees with the Institute, which is worth 100% of the tuition fee for my course. To be fair, I could've just given up and not bothered with writing a new supporting statement for another scholarship application. But hey, if you need to listen to this today, I'm reminding you: never become discouraged!
Who else can be a better person to be looked up to than this tireless and tenacious inventor when it comes to lessons on failures? Thoman Edison, our father of tenacity had once said;
Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
I had tears in my eyes by the time I finished reading the email - though it's merely informing me of a scholarship opportunity, and not congratulating me for getting the scholarship 😂 I can't help feeling touched and grateful. 'Hope is here!' I whispered joyfully. For me, there's nothing more important than to be continuously hopeful about things in life, and the email was definitely just what I needed at that time :)
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Failing can be (mentally) exhausting, especially when you have to cope with the demands of the emotional breakdown you face afterwards. But thankfully, I didn't have to deal with that this time. What I have learnt and am still learning from these occasions is that you have to embrace the process of getting somewhere if you are to embrace failures. Whenever I look back and think of the unsuccessful applications, I don't feel sad at all (alhamdulillah 😂 I've had so many other things to deal with at that time anyway haha). In fact, I can still vividly remember feeling accomplished whenever I submitted an application; whatever it is for. I know that I have done my best. Going through the journey of sending out the applications feels like an achievement in itself, for me.
And now that I am quite done with waiting for the pending results of my scholarship applications, I am glad that I am learning things! Though unlike Edison, I didn't figure out 1000 reasons why a bulb doesn't light up, now I found out how not to be let down by failures! By enjoying the process and never giving up. If you're en route towards achieving something, don't lead your mind to believe that if this fails, if things don't work out the way you wanted it to be, never, for once, think that your time and effort will ever go to waste. Also, never let stressful times and demanding tasks to consume the energy out of you. Whenever you feel drained and exhausted, think of the reason why you set forth or settle for it in the first place. Review and remind yourself of your goal and intention, and insya Allah may every inch of your effort and struggle be rewarded.
Edison once said this too,
Many of life's failures are people who did not realise how close they were to success when they gave up.
I feel so proud that I took the courage and initiative, and made time and effort in sending the applications eheh. I feel like I've created new rooms for improvement. Come dear, you're now stronger thanks to the things that didn't manage to kill you - you definitely deserve some pats on your back.
p/s: No, I didn't manage to secure that new funding too, if you're wondering. Six weeks passed, and I was brought to the news that my application has been unsuccessful (again). This month alone, I have received another four rejections to my scholarship applications. Oh well, they say nothing worth having comes easy, don't they? 😊
Anyway, if anyone happens to read this until the end, I would really appreciate it if you can save some prayers for me, whatever life has in store for me for my next chapter. I guess it's a real goodbye to UCL for now hehe
And as for us, may we all continue to grow out of this challenging time :)
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