The End of A Beginning

Hello beautiful people :)

It has been a period filled with a bunch of mixed feelings for the past couple of months. I began July feeling very excited about getting a lot of things done. I was looking forward to reading more mystery novels, more sharing and writing, and completing a few online courses. It started well but halfway through July, I was feeling rather unmotivated to get anything done. It wasn't too much to say that I feel like it has been the period I have felt the least motivated in life. I even tried avoiding social connection and human interaction - not wanting other people to get the 'tempias' of my negativity at that moment I guess.

That probably explains my (kinda) quiet blog too I suppose. And I'm glad I took some time off - or else, I'd end up dwelling over the same thing over and over again, which is of no good to myself and to others as well.

But that's July - August has been storing a whole different story.

I haven't been sharing any life updates lately, but this time an important announcement needs to be made - hope this won't be long but if it does... I hope you'll bear with me eheh

Let's first start with some good news to share. I just recently got my degree result and it turns out great alhamdulillah. I was actually more excited to receive my dissertation result - I was over the moon when I saw the mark hehe

Maybe there's a reason for that. 

My dissertation journey has been both rewarding and challenging. I managed to complete my lab work and did some background readings over the previous summer (before I began my third year). Simply put, the initial stages of my research was smooth sailing alhamdullilah. But when I first started my final year, one thing kept on happening after another. I got problems with my laptop, had to struggle with my assignments, and resort to laptop loans for the first month of my third year, and I almost lost my assignments and dissertation files - I lost my traveling pictures tho :'). I had a veeery hectic first term (and the laptop issues made it worse), so I didn't get to lay my hands on my thesis for quite a few months. 

I was very excited to work on it when my second term started. I registered as a Reader at the British Library to access some archives and spent a lot of time in the Library's Humanities Reading Room to collect additional historical data - the materials can't be brought out of the Room. I had  truly enjoyed my literature review days in the Library; it made me feel like a real researcher somehow haha

Alas, towards the end of the term, COVID-19 happened. I only had 50% of my dissertation completed at that time, and there was still a lot of writings to be done. As the deadline was approaching, I once felt like giving up and writing the discussion and conclusion ala kadar je asalkan siap. But I quickly realised and told myself that I've done so much and got so far, I could never let all this go to waste. I was mentally exhausted, but I need to write a proper discussion and conclusion regardless. And thank God, I was able to submit it on time, feeling satisfied with the final version of the submission. The fact that I managed to get it all finished in the midst of an outbreak has never failed to make me proud of myself - thanks to the support and assistance from the people around me; forever indebted to these amazing humans.

When I first had problems with my laptop last year, I told a close friend of mine, "I kinda expected that something like this would happen." He was quite shocked, hahaha, as I had expected. I then told him, everything had been so smooth from the beginning, which is good. But I am also a believer that nothing worth having comes easy, so if something is gonna be worth it in the end, chances are it won't come as easy. Not like I was expecting to encounter some issues while completing my dissertation, but when I did, it makes me appreciate the experience and the result even more. So next time you are coping with adversities in life dear self, remember that 'tiada kejayaan semanis madu, tanpa pengorbanan sepahit hempedu' :) it will be fine at the end of the day, just store a little bit of faith!

Now that I have graduated, I actually still can't believe that a life chapter has come to an end. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much everyone for the support and prayers - could have never achieved this without you guys, and thanks sebab baca/dengar my rant about my life/course all this while :')

Alright, it's time to talk about the present which can be summarised in a sentence: I'm just basically job-hunting at the moment. Despite having received an offer in March to further my studies in UCL, I had to scrap the idea of flying to the UK this September since all of my scholarship applications have been rejected huehue. (But to be honest, I am myself still not feeling confident about traveling abroad this year, so it works for me in a way) Like always, I believe God has better plans, it's just that I'm not sure what that will be yet as for now XD

Anyway, the 'kononnya' important announcement that I want to make is that I'll probably post less for the upcoming weeks or months (so don't bother checking out this blog as often haha). Things have been very uncertain nowadays for me and I have been feeling intermittently unmotivated to write since I am also struggling to self reflect, so I guess I should wait until things are more stable before I begin pouring my thoughts again - I still write in my personal journal, don't worry, my mental health is still being taken care of haha. I also want to take some time to explore other avenues to improve my writing skill (but no worries, this is still gonna be the primary site for my writing therapy eheh)

That said, here are a few blog posts that I have written this year (that you can read in case anyone misses me lol):

• Nation-Building in Malaysia in the 21st Century (January 2020)

In this blog - which was actually part of my uni assignment, I attempted to delve into various themes in exploring how archaeological discoveries can present historical and cultural values that can be collectively shared and be the source of pride for its citizens. I have written six entries for this site (hope to add them in the future but we'll see huhu) where I also talked about Perak Man, Kerajaan Kedah Tua, Melaka and Penang as UNESCO World Heritage Sites, and Sia Boey Urban Archaeological Park as one of the examples development and heritage conservation can find a common ground. Check it out if you'd like to know more about archaeology in Malaysia!

• Dealing with the psychological impacts of Covid-19 as a student (July 2020)
• 3 highlights of my UCL journey (August 2020)

I guess that's my summer update for this year. Got to go and resume my 'hunting days'. Till then, take care everyone! Wish me luck, and congrats Class of 2020!

"Your plans and dreams may not happen according to your timetable, but trust in God that He will bring them to you in the most perfect timing." - Mizi Wahid