Gratitude Note #12

A TED video about anxiety disorder popped up on my YouTube homepage when I was randomly scrolling for something to watch while sipping coffee for breakfast. The speaker, Dr Jen Gunter started the short video with "We live in a culture that doesn't take mental health issue seriously".

All of the sudden, I had this flashback of one of my first meetings with my undergraduate Personal Tutor back in 2017. We were discussing about my practice essay when she asked me if I was by any chance dyslexic - because she mentioned my essay seem to indicate a writing of a person with dyslexia. Taken aback, I answered no, or at least, not that I know of. None of my family members ever really think about getting a diagnosis from a psychologist so I guess even if I was to be dyslexic, I would not even knew it. Back in high school, my Physics teacher once advised me to get a diagnosis and consultation about my (chronic) sleeping disorder, but neither me nor my family took it seriously. I guess if it doesn't really affect my daily functioning and performance, we never will 😅

Anyway, I did go and read up on dyslexia and while I did seem to exhibit some symptoms or a dyslexic person, they were all very minimal and happened very rarely so I assumed it's nothing big to worry. I think alhamdulillah things got better now, I don't really encounter reading problems as much as I used to especially in my first year of undergrad, which further convince me now that I am at a very minimal risk of having dyslexia. In fact, I love reading a lot more nowadays!

But some of my friends are not as fortunate as I am. Back then during my undergrad, as deadlines were approaching, we couldn't help not having conversations about the assignment and some of my friends would mention about having extension due to extenuating circumstances; ie. mental health problems, learning disorder, etc.

I, on the other hand, never actually had to request for an extension for my submission deadline throughout my three years of undergrad. Not even once. And every single time I had a conversation with a friend who had to request for it, I silently utter my gratitude to God for blessing me with a good mental health, and no learning difficulty.

That said, on days that I did read very slowly, or those times I had to re-read a sentence 5-10 times from anthropological papers because it was really hard for me to comprehend it, my heart goes to all my fellow friends who are experiencing this (or even worse) throughout their lifetime. I can only imagine what it feels like to live with learning difficulties, struggle with anxiety on a daily basis, trying to cope and survive depression days, fight panic attack when it decides to unexpectedly pay you a visit. As I grow, there are more and more people that I know of who turn out to be silently battling with their mental health. And while I try to learn to be more compassionate to others, I am also reminding myself to be grateful over and over again for a good physical and mental health that I have been blessed with. Because, you know, it's always about remembering the five before five:

Sihat sebelum sakit
Muda sebelum tua
Kaya sebelum miskin
Lapang sebelum sempit
Hidup sebelum mati

My undergrad years really made me realise how prevalent mental health disorder is, and how good (physical and mental) health is indeed a privilege that I should not take for granted. May Allah grant us the ability to remember and be grateful of all His blessings, and make the most (good) out of it :)

Till then, take care everyone!

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