Of Death (& The Afterlife)

I have a confession to make.

Towards the end of 2021, I had been thinking about "shutting down" this blog. For some reason, I wanted to stop writing here, or at least make it private instead of a public page.

But weirdly enough, the more I insisted on shutting it down towards the last days of 2021, the more I couldn't resist the temptation to write. I have drafts of posts accumulating either in my phone's notes app (including the most recent post I published), or just thoughts lingering in mind. I take note of almost every single random musing that comes across my mind every day, so I guess you can only imagine how exhaustive the list of drafts would be.

To be honest, I don't have much to update on this blog. I think I've mentioned somewhere or to someone that my life has felt rather stagnant for the past year. But one of the major changes I have experienced for the last few months is that... I'm back in the UK, currently pursuing a childhood dream I've long been anticipating for: studying forensic anthropology (!!!) and bioarchaeology at a place that I now proudly call my second home... And so much has changed ever since :')

(is it possible that London revives my passion and motivation to write again? 🤔 or is it a coincidence? hmm)

Not sure if you, who are reading this, are familiar with what bioarchaeology and forensic anthropology is all about, but I basically look at human remains i.e. dead bodies (in picture form, or in bone form) every single day. That said, my life now centres around discussion of the dead or death itself, so it is very likely that a lot of death-related reflections will be posted in this space for the next year or so :) (so don't tell me I don't give out any trigger warnings okay)

That said, let's kick off this season of reflections (and throwing out drafts lol) with a not-very-old note from December 2021 that I wrote after visiting Brompton Cemetery with my coursemates (as part of our course field trip in early December)

"I'm not a believer; I don't have a religion. But I do love the Christian sentiment of being able to reunite after death. It's adorable you know," a friend randomly said to me when we were walking down the main path of the Brompton Cemetery weeks ago. I smiled, I would've wanted to say "I believe in the afterlife too," but I'm not sure where I want to bring the conversation to so I ended up swallowing my words - I was also saved by my lecturer pointing to the next 'pit stop' of our small field trip.

I don't think I have ever given any thoughts about a sentiment of the afterlife that I'm really fond of. Do I love the idea of having an eternal life? Or is it the freedom of having anything that you like that appeals to me? Or is it about being able to reunite with my loved ones, as pointed out by my fellow coursemate? I'm honestly not sure. What is it about the afterlife that I invest my utter faith in it (and in fact, my whole life goal towards it)? I guess that's something I have got to ponder upon...

On another note, I don't even go to the cemeteries that much in Malaysia, but I realise that when I did, I would usually think of the death of the dead - rarely of mine. I would wonder about how they died, or what the family of the deceased feel, or how the deceased once live their lives. It rarely hit me I can never guarantee I won't be laying down at one of the corners of the cemetery tomorrow or even hours later. Rarely I reflect on the way I am living now in preparing for that day I'll breathe out my last breath. Cemeteries have always been about 'the others', and death felt so distant from me, despite standing among the dead.

But I recently read a hadith about visiting cemeteries and graves, and I read that one of the reasons we're allowed/encouraged to visit them is so that we'll have 'zuhud' (roughly means, detachment) towards the 'dunya' and have remembrance of the 'akhirah' ie the Hereafter (narrated by Ibn Majah). Honestly, I'm quite bummed that I've only spent time in graveyards feeling sad or scared (possibly normal as a child/teenager), with barely any self-awareness or motivation as takeaways.

Well, with at least 5 cemeteries that I know of within a radius of 2 miles from the place I'm currently living at (that I'm planning to visit), hopefully that is going to give me some shift in perspective from now on.

p/s: if anyone has any book, podcast, or even online course suggestions that can help me explore the topic of the afterlife, I would very much appreciate it!

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