the short wanderer

Naja.  Das Leben ist nicht einfach. Es ist schwer und ermüdend.  Geduld und Dankbarkeit , no matter how many times I have heard of it before; no matter how many times I have talked about it, ist leichter gesagt als getan. I realise that some of my posts for the past few months have been a bit sloppy and gloomy - this might be just another one of the kind; I wish getting over things is as simple as telling myself, "get over it je lah, duniawi je semua ni uhuk" But of course, I have to put this here because life is not a bed full of roses; neither it is a garden full of thorns, and I can't express enough how important it is to manage negative thoughts by being aware of it and acknowledging what was going on. So, here it goes.  I was a bit sad (again) as the fasting month brought its curtain down - not because Ramadhan was leaving, but because I was yet to move on from the fact that these unanticipated things happened. I have never thought that I would find it quite dif...

I keep waking up in a foreign town Beneath the obstacles trying to put me down The voices that heal me were once around Have I completely lost the fading sound? I walked to see in life, what’s fair? I stopped while thinking I got time to spare But I halted too much yet I don’t really stare To find the answer to what do I have to care So many good people I do admire But is there even one that I really aspire? The hunch leaves myself being unsure And let me live my life like it never matter I laugh, I cry, and I try to run Yet I always end up standing at the edge I know, I might fall down anytime But I still can’t trade a word of pledge There are times the sea gets too rough I can’t swim; drowned amidst the wreaths They always told me “I need to be tough” But not about the struggles I'll face till my last breath Sometimes I  feel like life has been great Then I wish it becomes finer and better But reckless me; life lifts and ...

"Work is the best antidote to sorrow, my dear Watson." Thanks dear Holmes, I really appreciate your word of encouragement (as my post introduction hahaha jk). During my first year, I joined an ongoing volunteering programme in UCL, with an organisation named UCL Special Collections, Archive and Records for five months (used to be known as SCAR but has been recently called as UCL Special Collections). We were initially allowed to apply for five roles out of 11 roles offered in the organisation. Long story short, I was given the opportunity to work with my supervisor Elizabeth Lawes, whom I frankly call Liz, who is in charge of the Poetry Store, Little Magazines, and Alternative Press collection sorting team. What motivated me to start volunteering? It was just because   I have a natural desire in venturing out into something new, really. And I have this habit of keeping myself occupied hehe Oh yeah, some background of the collection we worked on... 'Poetry Sto...

"She has discovered (partially? fully?) ways on how to love and treasure herself #loveyourself" To be honest, I was taken for a loop. There are so much things that I think I am yet to discover, and my first thought on her statement about me was that it is a bit overrated XD Nonetheless, I tried to look back on the things I have done, I have seen, and I have went through, and there might be a very small piece of insight that I can remind, not other people, but my own self. (Disclaimer: these are not the tips to love yourself, thanks in advance if you can bear that in mind eheh) 1. I said no to attachment Best friend is a term that used to be invisible from the story of my life. I tried hard to avoid myself from being too attached to anyone. Why? Oh, people come and go, and I don't know who will stay until the last mile of the way (ecece). I knew I wasn’t strong enough to handle heartbreaks, so as they say ‘prevention is better than cure’, I tried to limit ...

"I don't mind not waking up tomorrow" A small thought, though seems very short but can't be more compelling enough to let her sense hit the ground. She had it in her head every single night; those days, and for once she didn't even have the courage to stand up on her own. Empty spaces fill me up with holes Distant faces with no place left to go She was lying on bed, preparing herself to sleep. She tried, but she just couldn't, so she ended up staring at the ceiling. The room was a bit too quiet; she couldn't help from not letting all sorts of problems that existed around her came into her mind, definitely was not helping in any way to help her getting some rest. There wasn't any peace amidst the silence, and her thoughts wandered too far that she came to one point when she told herself, she really don't mind not waking up tomorrow, because she just can't bear the pain of living anymore. Everything was just so painful, and she could...