"She has discovered (partially? fully?) ways on how to love and treasure herself #loveyourself"
To be honest, I was taken for a loop. There are so much things that I think I am yet to discover, and my first thought on her statement about me was that it is a bit overrated XD Nonetheless, I tried to look back on the things I have done, I have seen, and I have went through, and there might be a very small piece of insight that I can remind, not other people, but my own self.
(Disclaimer: these are not the tips to love yourself, thanks in advance if you can bear that in mind eheh)
1. I said no to attachment
Best friend is a term that used to be invisible from the story of my life. I tried hard to avoid myself from being too attached to anyone. Why? Oh, people come and go, and I don't know who will stay until the last mile of the way (ecece). I knew I wasn’t strong enough to handle heartbreaks, so as they say ‘prevention is better than cure’, I tried to limit my level of attachment with everyone, so that I won't get hurt. (though back then, my heart was still once smashed into pieces. #missionfailed)
2. I said no to things that are uncertain
Having a crush? Or a relationship? Hmm, yeah those kind of things. Well, to be honest part of the reasons why I used not to have a crush in high school is simply because my mum is a bit strict about it so I can’t really be bothered to eye on anyone huehue. I have always believed that the future of this kids-kind-of-relationship is very, very uncertain. Same goes to any other things that involve hopes. I hate it when I put too much hopes in anything, not only limited to the two things I mentioned before.
3. I said no to expectations
Expectations hurt. I tried not to expect anything from anyone or anything. And most importantly, my own self. For me, expectations are just not good for health in any sense.
4. I chose what I wanted to care
Choosing makes me feel more determined and passionate in doing anything. My studies? Family? Friends? Work? Religion? Achievement? Power? People? You choose. But when it comes to things that I have to care, it’s the part that I have to play around with my mindset, changing it from have to want. But once I really know what I wanted to care, I became a bit stronger to withstand the pain.
5. I did not depend on other people
If there’s anything that I have to do, or any problems that I have to face, I tried to settle it on my own. Nobody is available for me 24/7, and some things are just too urgent that it didn't worth the time waiting. Don’t rely on people too much. You’re just gonna be more stressful over it.
6. I did things to pleasure myself on my own
You MUST have something that pleasure your own self, and you can do it ALONE. I write, a lot. And there were times I can’t resort to writing, I walked alone. Or I travelled. Or I baked. Or I read. Or I slept (?). And so on.
* * *
As time passes by, or, as I’m trying to be more humane (or human? ngeh ngeh ngeh),
I no longer deny any (possibility of) attachment; (well I now have a number of people that have taken the soft spots in my heart), as long as I understand what does it mean and what it takes to let go.
I pray more about things that are uncertain; my studies, my career, my passion, my own feelings etc, since nothing in life is certain anyway. It’s just full of surprise, as life itself.. ‘…is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent.’ - a nice description of life by Sherlock Holmes in A Case of Identity by Arthur Conan Doyle
I try to handle expectations. There isn’t such such a place where I can possibly run away from any expectation. So the only thing I can do is, deal with it bro. Try to be reasonable; it’s totally fine to hope for the best, BUT, be prepared for the worst.
I try to be more passionate, but at the same time, compassionate. Your order of priorities, sometimes, needs to take into account the concern about other things as well. Your relationship with God, and also other people. You aren’t living in the world alone, my dear.
I try to build more trust in others. I start opening up to people, sharing my problems, celebrate happy moments, and so on (though I am still a bit secretive, soz friends XD but I can tell you it's better now huehue). Well, God does not create other humans in your life just for the sake of being things for display in an exhibition called ‘The World’, right?
I seek pleasure with other people too. I start spending more time with people around me in spite of still having problems in letting them know how I actually appreciate their presence (someone said I need a teacher to express my feelings hoho). But definitely, some things become more wonderful with people around.
Long story short, I eventually became aware that after I have started to appreciate myself a bit more, all the issues that I had before can be narrowed down under one big concern:
It’s a chronic trust issue.
Now that I have discovered the core of the matter, I realised that I need to start...
having trust in Him, to help me alleviate my extreme anxiety about the future
having trust in people, to help me grow and explore more things in life
having trust in myself, that I am who I am made to be, and becoming better, is always a choice I can take
It’s an extra credit though, if you found someone who makes you discover yourself even more; accepting your own flaws, accepting your own past, anticipate your own future, etc, and just encourage you to look at: what else is there inside me. Everyone is unique in their own way, there is nothing to be ashamed of for being a bit different than anyone else.
Nonetheless, if it’s a motion, I am 100% sure I would want to be on the proposition side, that:
You should learn to love yourself before you start loving others.
On top of that, I think the real treasure is when you:
Be patient, on what is yet to come and with what is there to deal with.
Be grateful, on what is there to embrace and on what its significance is yet to be perceived. :)
I couldn't agree more XD
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