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#16

“Sixteen, sixteen, sixteen minutes left, better get it done
Sixteen, sixteen, sixteen more minutes, get ready, game on!
Sixteen, sixteen, sixteen minutes left, running out of time..."

(Okay, just kidding. Nothing in this post is related to sixteen, except for the fact that it is my 16th post, posted on the 16th of January hahaha)

Last weekend I was spending half a day with a friend, constantly talking to each other while baking a cake. God knows what we were talking about; the present, the future, not to forget the silly past (muahahaha *evil laugh*) While I was walking to my house, the conversation that I had with my friend really made me missed something that I feel like I wanted to cry.

(Jap, this is not meant to be a sad post, so let’s skip that part)

I just said I miss something. Yes I miss…

 I miss talking to…

Him

He is amazing. He definitely is.

He was there when things were hard for me.
He was there when I am confused with my own self.
He was there when I wanted to ask for help.
He was there when I got good marks and bad ones as well.
He was there when I ranted about how tired I was of my life.
He was there when I wanted to share my problems.
He was there when the worries have gone, too.
He was there when nobody else could comprehend what I was thinking.
He was readily available, always, always.
He's the only One who would understand me before I could even express my own feelings… ( He knows how I suck that part huhu)

 "Kau selalu ada
Ku tenggelam dengan dunia
Kau tetap sempurna
Ku tak sedar waktu beredar"

I can’t even remember when was the last time I ‘talked’ to Him. (Ni bukan mengeluh "penatnya, stress nya, homesick nya" This is like a legit deep heart-to-heart conversation) Now that I have someone to talk to almost every single day, I don’t really take some time for myself telling Him how my day or week has been.

And the best part is, He is not only ‘was there’, He still is.

Despite Subuh gajah, there was still food in the cupboard for breakfast on that day.

Despite forgetting to read His ‘love letters’ in the Holy Book, He still wakes me up on the next day to see the sun rises.

(Too many 'despite-s' that I have actually deleted before posting this after realizing how terrible I am :'( )

How can I not miss spending my time with Him for all the chances that He has given to me all this while? How can I not be ashamed of myself when He keeps granting me with things that I feel I don’t deserve to have?

 "Kau selalu ada
Kau tak pernah hilang percaya
Kau tetap sahaja
Kau cahaya dalam gelita"

 "Your Lord knows you best," [Al-Israa', 17:54]

And He's still there. Looking at me, listening to my random thoughts every single second of my life, yet I still forget to express my love for Him in my deeds and my life routine. 

 "Biar matiku mencuba
Demi bahagia
Biar sakit dilukai
Dapatku rasa
Biar nadiku terhenti
Demi ke syurga
Biar selamanya mencari
Cinta sejati"

You know, I can never express how grateful I am that You still bear with me despite all my dark past and history. Even though You already know that I am not the right person to talk about love (emotions in general *sigh*) please do know… (well, You already know)

That I am still learning to keep falling in love with You, forever.

Yours faithfully,

You know who.

 [Post inspired by: 'Sejati' by Faizal Tahir]
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