Beautiful in White

"Writing is a channel for your stress reliever." Yeah, she was right. It has been a few weeks since my last essay deadline and I can see that my blog has been undergoing its moment of silence too (and if you can’t tell, I have approaching deadlines around the corner hence my blog has come back to life XD)

Term 2 is still ongoing but I can’t resist the urge of writing this post. After all those hectic days of our UCL Malaysian Night and the unexpected snowfall, my heart is telling me that it is the perfect time to start tapping on my keyboard again.

The snow. The unforeseen snowfall.

My seniors and British friends were telling me “Don’t expect London to snow for Christmas, it has been years!” And of course, I wasn’t expecting any at all. Plus, throughout the whole winter I have been telling my family and friends that there is no snow in London so stop asking me where is the freaking snow.

Like any other surprise, when the snow showers unexpectedly, who would not be so thrilled and delighted? Despite being a little bit affected by the drastic weather change, it doesn’t snow everyday here so I think I should own every second that this world could give. Little did I care about my current state when my euphoria overtook the consciousness of my health for the sake of seeing London in pure white (I regretted a bit initially but whatever, I got to walk in the snowwww)

When I first saw the snow falling heavily on Monday I called my mum just to show her the white side of London. A few days after my brother actually wanted to see the snow again but I had to rush to class so I didn’t get to have another video call with the snow. How I wish my family are all here to witness this beautiful scenery with me (and that would just simply giving me the chance of throwing snowballs on them like those people I saw at Gordon Square)

The snow. The unanticipated snowfall.

To walk under the heavy snowfall, to sit on the chair I am sitting on right now, to be here in the UK, to be admitted to UCL, to pass my A-level requirements, to actually studying the course I am doing right now, are still hard for me to believe with my own eyes. Sometimes when I want to go to bed I still wonder if this is all just a dream, and I will wake up on the next day in my beloved homeland that is as warm as it can be. But for 166 days, I have been waking up in a room with a heater, starting my mornings with hot shower instead of being in the sunny Malaysia.

I could never thank Him enough for listening to our prayers. It will not happen without your prayers. I can’t thank all of you enough for that, too. I just want you to know that there is always a huge space in my heart for you, who have always been helping me in pulling this through. I didn’t expect an introvert me would make a lot of new friends here too though XD Haih, Allah is just being too nice not to let me feel lonely on my fresher’s days.

(A bit affected with the Post MNight Withdrawal Syndrome aka PMWS hahaha) To my beloved ‘left-stage peeps’; Zhi Chao, Israq, and Qian Lin, my loyal practice partner Joycelyn, and my stage crew directors Ka Shing and JJ, it was nice meeting all of you and I hope there will be more chance to work with you guys in the future. My Malaysian Night days could have never been more fun and enjoyable without you peeps!

To my Poetry Store crew; my supervisor Liz Lawes, the cheerful master student Helen and of course Yuxin, a second-year BASc Arts and Sciences student whom I just found out to be the person who also applied for BA Archaeology and Anthropology AND BSc Anthropology in UCL (exactly what I did for my UCAS hahaha but she applied THREE woowww), and of course a few others too but the irregularity of the attendees made it hard for me to remember your names XD, thanks for making Wednesday a day that I excitedly look up to on every start of the week.

To my beloved personal tutor, Liz Graham, and dedicated mentors, Vee and Raluca, thanks for all the advices and support! Definitely won’t be able to write even a damn essay if it’s not because of you guys and Ralucaaa thanks for the free hugs every single time I bumped into you (and I was actually in need of those hugs every time I saw you XD) and out of a lot of new friends that I made in my course I should thank you, Coco, for always making me having someone to talk to :P

To my YK & 18.5 family, thanks for still being clingy and accepting me as part of the family. All the hangouts and catching up sessions are extremely precious and irreplaceable.

My deepest gratitude goes to Kak Ummi, who has been helping me ever since before I fall in love, with London of course XD and also Kak Fina, who will always be the reason I am excited to visit the IoA library just to hear someone greet me "assalamualaikum" lol jk. You'll always be the reason Malaysia feels just like a second away :) With your help, adapting in this busy city is a lot easier than it could have ever been.

To the girl who is always so close yet so far, if three rooms away didn't manage to separate us Izzatul, then what can 30-minutes walking distance apart do to us? Hahaha thanks for following me all around the UK, and let's look forward to more dining table gossip session and random WhatsApp updates in the future XD 

To the person who is so far yet still so near, thanks for making me feel so close to home, Amni. Thanks for never minding me calling you whenever I want or whenever I need. To be honest, I didn't initially realized we actually have a 'weekly video call session' and I can't even brain how you can just put up with me, sometimes just to listen to my terrible singing XD I know this long-distance-relationship is tough but seriously bruh, even a million thanks wouldn’t be enough to show how grateful I am that you are among those people who stay.

And the last but not least, to the two stunningggg (read: annoying -_- haha jk) individuals who have always been calling my name 24/7 without any significant reason, here I am awarding you guys a special mention for an obvious reason. Adlina; thanks for being an amazing roommate! You have no idea how thankful I am since the moment I first knew that my roommate is you! I know I might not be a good company but thanks for always making me feel better and have the courage to live life hahaha and of course, Azmi, thanks for all the baking sessions and trips and silly conversations and many more XD Hats off to both of you, my first year life has been a lot more colourful with you guys around.

Family, teachers, friends, acquaintances, neighbours, whoever you are I am so sorry I couldn’t fit everyone but you should know how every single person that exists in my life does matter to me, a lot (like how Ummi and Mawaddah and Anis keep reaching out to me via my embarrassing WhatsApp stories XD, or how a girl approached me after thinking I was not okay after my bio anth tutorial, or having a conversation with a guy at the post office who told me about how he just started to learn Arabic) can’t you see how even little things can affect me hahaha so you should know how much I appreciate you :)

The beautiful-in-white-snow is evidently one of the blessings that He granted to me, and on top of that, so do all of you. May Allah bless all your beautiful, white and pure souls, here and in the hereafter; all of you deserve more than just a gazillion of thanks… because I would have not been standing on this white ground,

if your thoughts and prayers had not lifted me up :)