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The Unprecedented

It does feel a bit odd to write about this. I don't usually write about things until it actually happened; in other words, I don't go and brag about my life plans to the public - oh well if you know me well enough, keeping people in the loop is not really my thing. So this one is a bit different (hence the title), not only because I'm writing about things that have not yet happened, but because these events; it turns out that they may never happen...

Well, at least not in 2020.



I started off this year being very excited about 'a new phase of life'. A new phase that will begin after I get a degree scroll. I was looking forward to A LOT of things. Literally, A LOT.

January was like any other conventional hectic month. I went to 3 different countries at the end of 2019 and was definitely working my a** off to complete all of my submissions. It was between the end of January  to early February when I made all these plans for my post-undergraduate degree life. Booking flights, sorting itineraries, submitting applications.

February was quite chill; I even had the time to sort out my Master's application, went to watch a few plays and musicals, and even travelled to Dublin for a few days during my Reading Week. By the end of February, I literally told myself: "I have a feeling that March is going to be a bit hard on me but it's okay, February has been great overall, hope that makes it up :)"

March was supposed to be the 'month of deadlines'. Though that was still the case, as the deadlines have now been pushed forward, April is now nothing less.

What was supposed to happen in April then, and the upcoming few months? I was supposed to travel to Sarajevo, Bosnia on April 14th with another 20-30 Malaysian students for a volunteering project. I was so excited about joining the humanitarian mission; meeting the Bosnian community, fundraising for a good cause, sending aid to the people in need, visiting another part of the world that I have never seen before... Those will no longer be the case, except from the part that we are now struggling to achieve our fundraising goal. If you have some money to spare, please kindly visit this page: https://www.launchgood.com/project/hope_for_bosnia_20#!/ and donate, thank you so much and I owe you big time! 

I was supposed to be sitting for my one and only exam in May, in Excel London. Today? The exam has been cancelled altogether and Excel is now a temporary hospital for Covid-19 patients. The only thing I'll be looking forward to in May is... submitting my dissertation.

Oh, and I will finally get the chance to celebrate Eid - though who knows what Eid is like this year huehue - with my family after missing it for 2 years!

June, was supposed to be the month I would have been flying off to Pakistan to attend my housemate's wedding! And after spending around 2 weeks in the South Asian country, I was supposed to fly to Greece and spend another 3 weeks in East Crete until mid-July, working on skeletal materials from Bronze Age Crete. 'One last bioarchaeology fieldwork before I go back for good', I thought to myself. I was  really looking forward to read the papers that Dr McGeorge sent me in January after I have taken my final exam. Oh well, I guess God has a much better plan for me elsewhere, then?

The next thing on the list was watching Westlife's concert in Wembley Stadium in August, probably travelling around for a bit before putting on my graduation gown for the long-awaited ceremony that was supposed to take place on September 14th. And, if ada rezeki and if it's meant to be, I will be enrolling myself for a postgraduate degree at the end of September.

Covid-19 changes almost everything about that. My friends and I keep on saying that at this point, we can only make plans for today and tomorrow. With things changing almost every single second, I don't know what to expect for tomorrow, let alone next week, next month, or even next year.

When everything didn't really work out in the way we wanted it to, some of my friends told me:

"But I wanted to go there, and I still want to!" 

 "But I wanted to do that, this was the only chance!" 

 "But I wanted to be at this place.." 

 "But I wanted this..." 

 "But I wanted that..." 

And I was like, I wanted to do all the stuff that I had planned too but... "There's nothing we can do about it, nak buat macam mana, it is beyond our control..." 

As someone who always see the glass half full, I'm not really disappointed that most of the things I talked about will not be 'real' now (or maybe it will get to me later? Hopefully no, na'udzubillah huhu) But all I know is that I'm pretty sure this calls for another phase of reflection.

In my experience, everytime the odds weren't in my favour, something better was  always in store for me. And even today, I still stock my faith in that. The only thing that is different in this circumstance, is that I have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE on what to expect and what to do next. But doesn't that just simply mean that I should be more dependent and submissive to Him more than ever?

Allah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs (for us).

My grandmother said to me last year that she was herself exhausted seeing me lol; I was ALWAYS caught up with something ever since I graduated from high school. There was ALWAYS something that I had to do and get done with. With this whole pandemic thing happening, I'm just looking at it as if I'm taking a 'sabbatical' hahaha. Probably, this is just the break that I truly need, who knows? To reconnect with my inner self, refresh my intentions and review my life goals. I'm not saying that I have been doing things wrong, but it's always good to be able to see things from multiple perspectives, right?

(But He knows better that I can't simply stay still, my life has been constantly filled with changes and progress, so we'll see what He has in store for me this time eheh) 

Nonetheless, since this whole (out)break might not be here forever, I think that I should be grateful for this break, though one of my daily routines now is refreshing my Gmail account to see if any notification on the refunds for my flight bookings comes through 😂

That's it for now, I guess. Will be back once I am done with my April submissions (probably?) haha insya Allah.

Take care, and stay safe.
Stay healthy, and stay sane.
Wherever you are, fi hifzillah :)
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