Embracing 2021: Note to Self

We are just over two months into 2021, but I am still pretty much in a reflective mode - oh well, who wouldn't, considering how the past year has been, right?

Planning to visit the beach more often this year :)

I am not sure how to go about writing this post, but I guess you can look at it as a continuation of my reflection of 2020 that I have written previously. But before that, I want to take this chance to thank and appreciate my internship manager, who has been there to challenge my thoughts, provide me with new perspectives on life, offer me comforting words, and most importantly for being available when I need support. The points that I am going to share below, are the product of the conversations I have had with such a supportive manager for the past 6 months - and for that, I can never be grateful enough.

So, here's 3 simple yet SO IMPORTANT things (of maaany other things) that my manager had constantly remind me of:

1. Take it slow

One of the most frequent words that I hear from my manager is: 'urgency'. What's the urgency? Why the need to do this or do that now, and not taking the time to properly think and contemplate your life's choices and decisions? I remember him saying something along this line, "To be fair, while you're still young and have the capacity to try and experiment with different things, take all the time you need to figure things out". I've lost count of the number of times I've bumped into the advice that you shouldn't compare your life to someone else's, yet there are still countless occasions that I witness people rushing to achieve things in life - as if life is a competition with each other when the only person you need to compete with is yourself, and not anybody else. Sometimes I wonder if I'm also falling into that trap. Well, I understand the pressure and the expectation, especially with seeing things on social media but hey, here I am to remind myself and you who are reading this (again) that life is not a race. 

As a matter of fact, slowing down is such an IMPORTANT and POWERFUL tool and habit in leading a happier life. My boss (the head of the function I was supporting) previously shared a video on Ikigai (which translates into 'Reason for Being) where the video creator shared 6 healthy lifestyle practices from the book 'Ikigai' by Hector García and Francesc Miralles. And guess what, the first one on the list is about slowing down and being present. 

"Living in a fast-paced world, slowing down and being present allow us to really take everything in, and fully experience the moments in our day... Our life starts to take more meaning and purpose, which deepens our self-awareness, helps us to live more intentionally and start prioritising the things that matter."

So friends, slow down and be more present - you definitely DO NOT have to rush and get everything in your life done as dusted today, which leads me to my next point:

2. It's okay not to know

We are always led to believe that there's a definite answer to every question. Growing up, I think we eventually realise that nothing is straightforward, and most of the time it will always go with the answer of "it depends" (and God knows how many people are sick of that kind of response, but it really is). In reality, there's no really one-size-fits-all approach to life, and while not all questions have a direct and absolute answer, the other thing is, some questions don't even have answers at all. 

In essence, we were never told that "I don't know" is also part of the multiple-choice answers, and more importantly, it's not a wrong option at all.

"Sometimes, we are so obsessed with wanting life to be smooth-sailing, and to have tiny, perfect solutions to everything." I have to admit that this particular part of the statement had such a significant impact on me, especially with the state I was in. Being a fresh graduate, I was so eager on embarking 'the next phase' and would love to have that figured out as soon as I graduated. But, as I soon found out, life is not that elementary.

My manager once said, "'I don't know' is a brave answer. In fact, it takes a lot of courage to admit that you don't know." Like a lot of things in life, this season of 'uncertainty' and being in the dark is also a temporary phase. Quoting Aida Azlin, as much as you don't need to find all the answers and solve everything today, give yourself the permission to struggle and start running back to Him, as He is the All-Knowing, the One with all the knowledge.

It's okay not to know - and learn how to be okay with not knowing things you are yet to discover :)

3. No man is an island

This is me being super vulnerable of putting this up, but my manager once commented:

"I feel there is a big (sense of) unwillingness to problem solve together when it comes to your personal thoughts."

"Continuous learning needs to be balanced with the limited resources because the willingness to expend resources (i.e. thinking space and emotional support) is a big part of the picture too."

Being a super reserved introvert (which I later found out is a natural characteristic for an INFJ), all my life, I am so used to spending so much time alone to process my own thoughts and feelings - and that, to me, inherently includes brainstorming the solutions to my own problems. Yet, I was still very much surprised at how much I can relate to this statement when I first came across it:

It is true that I find myself quite stressed in the face of conflict and struggle, particularly when I am put in a position where I am lost and not sure of what to do, however, opening up about it has never really been my default option. It had cost me a number of friendships - just so you know that the last part of the statement above can't be more real. But recently, I manage to 'learn' on reaching out and seeking support - mainly from my close friends who are available to listen to my crisis and dilemma. 

Throughout my internship, my manager has always been there to listen to anything I have to share. But of course, it was super difficult for me to comprehend the idea in the beginning, as I am quite particular about who I choose to open up to, and in most cases, it takes months (or even years) of friendship for me to be vulnerable. Quoting my manager, I am just a 'slow cooker' - I take time (like, really taking the time) to heat things up.

Anyhow, it does bring so much comfort to me to just know that this 'offer' is always available for me to seek. I am not sure about you, but I personally think that it is not easy to find someone who really cares about my personal growth and well-being as much as I do (most of the time, more than I actually do). With that, I am truly touched and grateful for the people that God has surrounded me with, especially in going through this tough time. I have to admit that sharing my thoughts and concerns lift a great burden from my shoulder, and I am grateful for having the privilege and option of doing it. 

To those I have reached out to, you know who you are (though chances are you may not read this :')), I'm here to confess that a million thanks wouldn't be enough to compensate for what you've done for the past years. It means so much to me that I hope, if there's someone out there who's facing the same difficulty in seeking support even from your closest friends, I hope you will be granted the courage to do so when the time comes. 

With that, I'll end this post with my favourite lines from one of my top songs in 2020:

Life is too far to walk alone

You can't do it on your own

It's like bare hands digging stones

And if things go down much steeper hills

Even money won't pay these bills

And time will show

That people gonna be OK

Storms never come to stay

How bad we need each other

And the trials of today

They are signs along the way

How bad we need each other

- Marc Sibilia, How Bad We Need Each Other

Until then, take care!